About five years ago I got pregnant. After two months I
started spotting , and 20 days later I miscarried.
Back then the US
doctor told me it is very normal and I
do not need to be worried. It was so stupid of us that we did not tried for about 3 years. One year
after my PhD we though we are ready to
have a baby. I got pregnant in October
2011 and the same thing happened to me.
We were both confused and devastated. This time we were desperate to
know the reason. I started to read books and articles and visiting doctors in Iran and Sweden. I learnt that there are three main opinions about this problem.
1- Some doctors think it is normal and a woman may have many many miscarriages before a successful pregnancy and they do
not offer any treatment! Ridiculous, isn’t it?!
2- Some doctors think there must be some thing wrong and offer mild treatment using drugs with low side
effects such as aspirin and progesterone.
3- A doctor from Chicago, Dr Beer, believes that the immune system is the main
factor in most of the recurrent miscarriages . He suggests a vast range of
blood tests that measure the number of “natural killer” cells in uterus.
If the results show any abnormality he
offers some treatments to suppress the immune system using steroids. There is not any doctor in Sweden who agrees with doctor Beer treatment,
and most of the gynecologists in world argue against his treatment. His method
is vey controversial, but he himself is very confident that it is a right approach and there are many
successful outcomes. So this is the
situation, I have a problem that I get
totally different advice from specialists.
After my second miscarriage, a new problem raised I
found difficulty of getting pregnant I
tried for 8 months with no success, that added more pain and stress. I thought
maybe I do not have any chance of becoming a mother so I started to read and
learn about adaptation. I tired to
forgot the whole pregnancy things and focused on my work.
Two weeks ago I learned that I am pregnant for the third time. For any
woman a positive pregnancy test is one the most happiest moment of her life and
is the start of motherhood, for me a positive pregnancy test is a warning that
I may go through all the pains and difficulties of loosing another baby. Negative
thought and anxiety do not leave me alone even for a second. I know stress and
sadness will have adverse effect on my pregnancy but I cannot not help thinking
about miscarriage and its consequences. I become so obsessed with the sign of
miscarriage that I go to bathroom frequently to see if I see any blood. My
unconscious kills all the positive thoughts to make me ready for accepting
another loss if it happens.
This time at the week five of pregnancy I started
bleeding and yes the third miscarriage happened. Thanks God it happened so early so I did not need to live
with anxiety for two months until I know that it does not work. This two weeks of pregnancy and miscarriage
was enough to trigger all the feelings
of overwhelming sadness, dread, despair
and grief. I feel my body betrays me and
is not under my control any more. This early miscarriage was enough to remind me once again that I do not have a normal life as
others.
I am thinking a lot these
days, I
do not want to give up and am
looking for ways to fight back my illness. I decided to try doctor Beer’s
method. NHS doctors do not believe in Beer’s method, and
the immunology tests or treatment are not offered by them. However (unlike Sweden) there are some private doctors here that
follows Beer’s treatment. I have to pay
250 pounds for every visit! and pay separately for every tests they may wants
to do. After doing some internet search I chose one of them; Dr Hassan Shehata
who has treating of a woman with 18 miscarriages in his profile. There are many
positive feedbacks on his treatments and reading them makes me feel better. I want to trust him, I want
to stay positive and to believe that
this time it will be different. This may reduce
my stress and help my body to cooperate with the treatment better. I know by getting my hopes high the risk of
getting really sick with another failure increases, but I do not know a better
way. I do not know how to think
positively and stay happy and yet consider the other side of story and be ready
if things go wrong. I hope one day I will find a way to solve my problem and to find peace.